Sunday, February 21, 2010

Ya think?!?

I'm ushering at Libby Gardner Concert Hall today. No big deal...done it before. But what amazes me is this...the concert starts at 3. It's 3:20 or even 3:30 and people are still arriving. Not only that but they are so put out when you tell them the concert has already begun and they will have to wait until a break between movements to enter. You would think this is common sense...especially among the classical music listener...and more so seeing that this is a NOVA Chamber series concert. These people should know better. Yet they still give me crap about missing the concert. Well, it's not my fault that you didn't leave enough time to arrive on time. And then...when we get to a break between movements and I open the door for them, two of them didn't want to enter because there was another movement left. Ok...fine...but again, when I opened the door at the end of the piece they just sat there giving me strange looks like "what do I do now?". It took them what felt like 5 minutes to work up the nerve to actually walk in the door and find a seat. Such a hard decision who walks in the door first, etc. It was hysterical. If it's going to be this big of a problem...arrive on time! :)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Very Like a Whale

Very Like a Whale
by Ogden Nash

One thing that literature would be greatly the better for
Would be a more restricted employment
by authors of simile and metaphor.
Authors of all races, be they Greeks,
Romans, Teutons or Celts,
Can't seem just to say that anything is the
thing it is but have
to go out of their way to say that it is
like something else.
What foes it mean when we are told
That the Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold?
In the first place, George Gordon Byron
had had enough experience
To know that it probably wasn't just one
Assyrian, it was a lotof Assyrians.
However, as too many arguments are
apt to induce apoplexy and thus hinder longevity,
We'll let it pass as one Assyrian
for the sake of brevity.
Now then, this particular Assyrian,
the one whose cohorts
were gleaming in purple and gold,
Just what does the poet mean when he says
he came down like a wolf
on the fold?
In heaven and earth more than is dreamed of
in our philosophy there are a great many things,
But i don't imagine that among then
there is a wolf with purple
and gold cohorts or purple and gold anythings.
No, no, Lord Byron, before I'll believe
that this Assyrian was actually
like a wolf I must have some kind of proof;
Did he run on all fours and did he have a
hairy tail and a big red
mouth and big white teeth and did he say Woof woof?
Frankly I think it very unlikely,
and all you were entitled to say,
at the very most,
Was that the Assyrian cohorts came down
like a lot of Assyrian cohorts
about to destroy the Hebrew host.
But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron,
oh dear me no, he had
to invent a lot of figures of speech
and then interpolate them,
With the result that whenever you mention
Old Testament soldiers
to people they say Oh yes,
they're the ones that a lot
of wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them.
That's the kind of thing that's being done
all the time by poets,
from Homer to Tennyson;
They're always comparing ladies to lilies
and veal to venison,
And they always say things like that
the snow is a white blanket after a winter storm.
Oh it is, is it, all right then,
you sleep under a six-inch blanket
of snow and I'll sleep under a
half-inch blanket of unpoetical
blanket material and we'll see
which one keeps warm,
And after that maybe you'll
begin to comprehend dimly,
What I mean by too much metaphor and simile.